When God Closes A Door… He Opens A Window

*”You can speak well if your tongue can deliver the message of your heart.”* John Ford

At the beginning of November, my teammates and I participated in our first Youth Encounter Event. Having never been to a Youth Encounter event before, I had no idea what to expect when I was told I’d be joining hundreds of middle and high school students in a hotel for an entire weekend. My mind began to race back to different events I had participated in as a middle and high school student and I wondered how these events would compare. What would we do at a hotel for an entire weekend? What would it be like? How would I feel being an adult and leading these events instead of simply participating? Would I feel spiritually filled like I did in my youth? When would I sleep? What would I do if something went wrong? What would I do if a kid asked me a question I didn’t know the answer? What if kids were rude and disrespectful? All these questions and fears ran through my mind in the weeks leading up to our first event. I had no idea what to expect. I imagined what the ballrooms would look like, how the weekend would go, and what my role would be. But, nothing could have prepared me for the AWESOMENESS that would take place and how God would work through me, my teammates, the guest speaker, the other musicians, and especially, the kids.

To give a little background, these events are called Quakes (middle school events), Zones (high school events), or QuakeZones (middle and high school events). They are annual events hosted across the nation. For these events, youth groups and churches come from the surrounding areas to spend 40+ hours worshipping God through music, guest speakers, break out sessions called Treks and Pathways, and many other fun activities (dances, variety shows, game time, group growth, etc.). My team was able to be a part of two of these events in November: one in Pleasanton, California and one in Everett, Washington. We also will have six more of these events over the course of our year as Captive Free Central Plains. I absolutely LOVE these events and now laugh at the fear and uncertainly I originally had!

Since joining back with my team in early January, after a two week break at home with friends and family over the holidays, God has brought my Captive Free journey full circle (during our Des Moines Quake) and reminded me of another passion of mine: I want to change the world (I know I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post of mine titled “The World Is Your Oyster“, but I want to reiterate a few points here). I know this seems like a grandiose idea and an utterly impossible notion but I think I can do it. I don’t mean that I am going to be the next Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi, but who knows? All I do know is that I want to leave this world a better place simply by being in it. I don’t think this world, other people, or God owe me (or anyone else for that matter) anything. It is quite the opposite actually. I know some people feel a sense of entitlement or that the world owes them something if they have gone through some sort of hardship or their lives don’t work out the way they had initially planned. But I don’t feel that way.

I’ll be perfectly honest in saying that my life hasn’t always gone according to plan, but then again, whose has? If it were up to me I’d be married with children (no, NOT Al and Peg Bundy Style), a stay at home mom or famous, and would give back to the world as much as I can. I have none of these things- no husband, no child, no celebrity… but, I still have a desire to make this world a better place. I constantly ask myself how I can turn my suffering into something beautiful and possibly healing for someone else? How can God use an ordinary girl like me to fulfill His purpose? What do I have to offer to the world? And how can I make a difference? I know by being a teacher the past two years I was crafting minds and changing the hearts of my beloved students but I want to do more…

I think the way I want to change the world is through some sort of public speech. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been having dreams about this very thing. I would love to travel the country or world speaking to children and adults, Christians and non-believers, at schools and at churches about this very thing: YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. I want to speak to others about shifting from a victim mentality to that of a survivor. I want to talk about God’s love, mercy, and grace. I want to talk about overcoming adversity and hardships. I want to talk about leaning on God and trusting in His plan for your life. I want to show people that it is perfectly okay to grieve, feel sorry for yourself, to be hurt and be angry when something horrible happens in your life but that there is so much healing in leaning on God, getting help, and forgiving people who have wronged you. I don’t pretend to think my life or hardships are any more severe or drastic than any one else’s struggles. I just think I have a story to tell and my hope is that I can help others find healing by sharing my stories, my struggles, and the way I overcame them through Christ.

Public speaking and changing lives has always been something that I’ve wanted to do and I have had the most amazing realizations this past month… and it all began with Captive Free and one amazing teamer. Like I said in my last blog post, when I was a child Captive Free teams came to my church during our vacation bible school week each summer. They sang songs with us, lead worship, and spent time getting to know all of us kids. Each year my family hosted one of the girls at our house and I was able to have a big sister for the week. One year, I really connected with one of the girls (more than I ever had before). Her name was Dani and I remember thinking that Dani was the coolest person in all the world: not only did she sing, but she was nice to me, and wanted to get to know me. I wanted to be just like her and told my parents that someday I would join Captive Free. When Dani invited me and a friend of mine to sing a song with the Captive Free team that year, I felt so special. She is the reason that I wanted to join Captive Free and even though I didn’t realize it at the time, she would become the reason that I want to pursue public speaking as well.

In joining Captive Free this year, I realize that I get to be just like Dani. I get to hang out with kids, make them feel special, and share God’s love with them. And maybe, if I’m really lucky, I can change a child’s life like Dani changed mine. So… bringing a very LONG story (I’m SO sorry- I swear I have a point) back to my initial topic, Youth Encounter events … During our first event in Pleasanton, California we had a guest speaker named Danielle Tietjen. I fell in love with her stories and how God used her talents to share His word. At the event, Danielle and I spoke a lot about public speaking and how she became a speaker. She told me how she was on a Captive Free team and how the sharings she gave during her team’s programs made her want to become a speaker. She shared her story of breaking into the public speaking world and all the things she loves about her job. I was mesmerized, intrigued, and excited to share my dream of public speaking with her and to keep in contact with her as I pursued this dream. We became facebook friends and I got to see Danielle shine daily through her unfailing faith and love for Jesus. It wasn’t until about two weeks ago, while I was browsing through pictures on facebook and saw a picture of Danielle from when she was on team that I realized that Danielle Tietjen was Dani, the same girl who came to my church for vacation bible school and inspired my Captive Free journey. She had grown into an even more amazing woman, now a wife, mother, and public speaker, since when I saw her in my childhood.

I am still baffled at how God put this woman in my life twice and how He used her to help me follow His plan for me. As a teacher the past two years, I always knew someday I’d love to pursue public speaking. But this year, through Dani and other public speakers, doors have been opened for me to follow this dream. I now know steps to take, workshops to attend to help craft my speeches, and organizations that excited and are willing to help make this dream happen.  This entire Captive Free journey has taught me how God works in our lives. How He sometimes makes us wait even when we feel ready. How He opens doors when the time is right. How He reveals His plans for us and shows us His way. And How He loves us so much that He puts Dani’s in our lives to show us our own potential. I couldn’t be more excited to follow Him. Through God I can change the world one student, person, youth group, school, or arena at a time!