Compassion Through The Cummins

*”Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven”* Henry Ward Beecher

Yesterday started out kind of rough for me. For some reason, I can’t really even explain, I just felt alone. I felt sad. I felt exhausted. And I wanted to cry. Nothing in particular had happened, I simply felt this sense of melancholy as I went about my morning. I woke up early after not having slept well and realized that once again I’d be leaving home after seeing family and friends for only two days. This has been my life for the past seven months and has become a part of my routine. I arrive at one place, stay for a few days, and then leave again. The dreaded and painful “good-byes” have gotten easier and have become “see you soons” instead. But for some reason yesterday morning it just seemed extra difficult. I love my family. And I think seeing them after being away for over three months made me realize just how much I truly had missed them while I’ve been away. I miss my mom’s caring nature and cuddles. I missed my dad’s jokes and practicality. I missed my sister’s smile and the smell of her hair. I missed my house and the warm feeling I get when I walk through the door and see the familiarity of home. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to have to miss out on hugging my mom and sharing my day with her. I didn’t want to not be there when my sister got home from her day at college. I didn’t want to miss any more birthdays or family holidays or the everyday life at the Topp Castle. I didn’t want to be missing anymore. I didn’t want to be missed anymore. And I didn’t want to have to miss them anymore.

The day seemed to continue in a similar fashion. I felt sad and alone as I worked through team phone calls and check-ins at the Youth Encounter office. At a place where I normally am so happy and excited to see so many familiar faces, I found myself just wanting to hide in a room and cry. For much of the day, as we traveled I sat quietly in my bench seat in our team van and worked on various things. I listened to my headphones. I felt uneasy. I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell my teammates how I felt. But I didn’t want to be vulnerable and I certainly didn’t want to actually cry.  So I remained quiet.

Yesterday, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to a new place, especially one in which we would be staying for only one night. It gets difficult only having a few hours to spend with one family and then packing up and leaving the very next day. I much prefer two or three night bookings in which I get the chance to get to know my host family and share more than one meal with them. We arrived at this adorable country house around 4pm. There were two additional housing units from the main house and our team split up by gender and got to stay in each of them. That seemed pretty exciting. They also had three adorable dogs- a Yellow Lab, an English Mastiff, and a Maltese. I fell in love right away with the white little puppy that looks just like the puppy that I will one day own. 🙂 I held her and cuddled her for the first hour we were there and loved every minute of it. There is something special to me about cuddly puppies who want to be held and loved.

When I got inside the house after bringing my personal belongings to our cabin the kids were all downstairs playing Legos with Andrew. I stayed upstairs and talked with my host mom, Eve, and looked at the pictures of her beautiful family that lovingly covered the walls. She told me the stories of her kids and how she had two children of her own who were in high school and college. She had also adopted two other children and was a foster parent for two more. Right away, I admired Eve and asked her lots of questions about the adoption process and the challenges of adoption. I was mesmerized as I heard her talk and couldn’t help but ask more questions and listen intently as she shared her family’s story with me.

It is no secret that the two things I long for more than anything are to be a wife and mother. I can’t wait to fall in love, walk down the aisle towards the man I will spend eternity with, and hold my first child in my arms. I also have always wanted to adopt a child. I feel God has given me a huge gift in having compassion and a desire to better the lives of children. My heart aches when I hear about kids across the world without a family or someone to love them. It makes me feel fortunate to have grown up in such a loving home and it makes me sad to think that many kids not only lack this type of love but also lack basic necessities like clothes, water, food, and a roof over their head. I want to help stop these sad things from happening- even if I can only change the life of a few kids. So, meeting Eve and hearing about how she brought love, happiness, and a stable life to not one but four kids, I was amazed. These kids were loving. They were smart and polite. They were respectful and had great senses of humor. They were affection towards each other, my teammates, and their parents. And I simply fell in love with each one of them. We ate dinner together and quizzed each other on various school things. We giggled and played together. We talked and we watched a movie. Tony was the oldest at eight years old. He was a great older brother and liked to talk and have his back scratched during the movie. Marco was this beautiful ethnic boy who was very affectionate. He traveled back and forth between Heidi, Jenn, and me for hugs and lots of cuddling. During one part of the movie, he held my hand and melted my heart. Then there was Kia. She was spunky and refused to sit still. She danced during each song on the movie and could barely contain her excitement for us being there.  And then there was Lonnie: a vibrant five year old little blonde with big blue eyes who just loved to cuddle with me and have me play with her hair. She was so sweet and her smile brightened my entire day. We ended the night tucking in the kids, praying with them, and putting their nighttime music on.

As I closed their bedroom door, I realized that in the four hours that I spent with these beautiful children, I felt peace, happiness, and so much love. I felt full of God and His love for me, these children, and the world. As two of the kids came and cuddled with me during the movie, my heart just burst. Hours earlier I was so selfish and sad. I wanted to do nothing more than stay at home and continue to love my family. I didn’t want to travel that day and do my job. I wanted to be lazy and comforted and safe within the walls of my home. But God gave me the opportunity to spend a night with an amazing family that showed me so much about love. He reaffirmed that I truly do want to be a mother and have children of my own. I also want to take care of as many kids as I possibly can. I want God to use me to make this world a better place by changing the life of a child and showing them love. I want to be able to cuddle on the couch and teach them about the world. I want to help them become wonderful and caring people. I want to instill in them compassion and a strong faith in God. I want to be a teacher, a role model, a companion, and someone they can depend on.My day may have started out rough and I may have felt sad. I may have longed for the love of my family and wanted to love them. But my day ended by receiving the love of four kids who I had not known four hours earlier and seeing a call to love kids just like them in the future. My day ended with me seeing a need in our world in which I can make a difference. A need that I feel called to fulfill. A need that can change the life of a child. A need that can also, change me.

*”Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility”* Kate Douglas Wiggins

The “I” In Team

*“Individual commitment to a group effort: that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”* Vince Lombardi

From the moment I left my comfy-cozy life with a warm queen sized bed (complete with thread counts that now, I only dream of) and my very own bathroom with plenty of closet, counter, and drawer space and packed nothing but a suitcase full of the necessities for one year and jumped into a van with four complete strangers, I knew I was embarking on an amazing journey that could likely change my life. But I certainly did not foresee the specific ways in which I would change. Back in August, being the oldest person on my team by about four years, I could almost speculate as to what changes each of my teammates would undergo during our year together. Things such as: growing in maturity, learning to put others before yourself, leaving the comforts of home, and dealing with the struggles of living 24 hours a day/7 days a week with complete strangers. At the start of our journey, I thought my teammates had a lot to learn. An 18 year old, two 20 year olds, and one 21 year old had a lot more to learn about life than me, right? After all, I am 25 years old, a teacher of two years, already established in my career, and have had a lot more life experiences than any of them possibly could. Oh, how wrong I was. Little did I know at that time early on in our journey together, that I too, had a lot of growing to do.

I’ll be perfectly honest in saying that one thing that has been a constant struggle for me for much of my life is being a member of a team. That word: team. Yikes. Team can be a rather scary word, at least for me. That word implies trust in someone other than yourself and being willing to compromise. It involves doing what is best for the whole instead of what you want or what is best for you. It includes a lot of listening and patience. It demands that you are flexible, understanding, and willing to give up control. For me, that last one can be rather difficult. I am a natural leader, just like my father, and I sometimes find it difficult to let someone else lead me. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my sisters, our friends, and I would play school. I could never let someone else be the teacher because they wouldn’t know how to make the schedule, copy the math worksheets, or plan the right amount of time for each class while still fitting in lunch and recess. Oh yes, I was serious about my organization and leadership abilities even then.

I am sad to admit that I often have a very hard time trusting in others to follow through. So, I stay up late, put in the extra hours I feel are necessary, and overcompensate for what I expect (that is another tricky word, being saved for another post) will be someone else’s shortcomings. More times that not, as a student I’d opt to work alone so that any grade I did receive was the grade that I earned through my own dedication and hard work. As a teacher, I’d often stay after school into the early (or late) evening to make sure that my students were getting the best teacher that they possibly could. I’d meet with students after school to help with homework, to simply chat or listen to bigger life and family issues, or to plan new and creative lessons that I felt my students deserved. That was even after my colleagues offered up their lesson plans for the same unit. Once again, I depended only on my own talents and preparation to pull me through. I am not saying that self sufficiency is a bad quality to have but sometimes only relying on yourself can cause you to burn out, fail, or never allow yourself to trust another person to do the job they have been called to do.

This year, I found that I have a lot of learning and growth to do in the area of teamwork. In August, not only was I just beginning to learn about the ministry of Youth Encounter and get to know my four teammates but, I was being thrown into a world where teamwork exists all day, every day. I had to learn to rely on four strangers. To trust them. To depend on them to do their designated jobs. To look out for them. To love them. And to work together with them as a team.

Early on in our year, I’d often find myself getting frustrated if something wasn’t completed when I wanted or what I expected or wanted to happen didn’t happen. Then I begin to think of what I would or could have done better or differently.

Let me start by saying, this is NOT the way to work on a team.

In the first few months on the road, I was in a constant internal (and at times, external) struggle with how our team functioned. Why didn’t we know what we were singing before we arrived somewhere? What was the schedule for the week? Was there actually a schedule and if there was why didn’t I know it? Why wasn’t anyone else working like I was during designated work times? How were we supposed to function when no one did their job right? Or cared? Or tried? Or worked as hard at their jobs as I did?

I know, I know, I sound like a total jerk. And I’m not proud of this. But it’s true. For a short while, I truly felt like I was the only one pulling our team together or putting effort into our team’s success. Instead of looking at what my teammates were doing; I focused on what they weren’t doing that I wanted them to. I focused on what I thought they should be doing instead of trusting that they were trained to do their jobs just as I was trained to do my jobs. In having these feelings what I communicated to my team was that they weren’t capable of doing their job. And that I could do it better than them. And that they should do their job how I would do it and not how they had decided/been trained. And this, my friends, is no way to be a team player.

I’ve always heard the phrase, “there is no I in team.” And often in my head, being oh so clever (or so I thought), I’d think to myself, “sure… but if you rearrange some letters there is a me.”

The truth is life is all about this very thing: coexisting with members of the teams that we become an integral part of. Since being born into this world we’ve been a part of various teams from families, to sports, friendship circles, youth groups, and jobs. In life, we constantly rely on others without even thinking and function (or fail to function) as members of a team. Some teams are easier to be a part of than others. Some require little work, while others require constant dedication. My family was my first team and the one team that I find easy to maintain. As a child, I trusted in my parents to raise my sisters and me. Not once did I question their job on our team. I knew what my roles were, my sisters knew their roles, and my parents had their roles. We function together as a team and allowed each other to do their job. We encouraged, trusted, and held each other accountable. We affirmed one another, showed love and grace, and at times, tore each other down. Most of the time, we functioned very well as a team. But other times, we did not. During these difficult times, we often gathered in our family’s three-season porch and all knew a little chat with lots of tears would likely take place But after this discussion, our team would function even better than it had the day before and help us learn and grow from the trust and love we felt for each other. All in all, my family is a very high functioning team. We have trust, love, understanding, and God at the center of our team. We listen to one another with open hearts and show patience and grace when necessary. We are willing to compromise and put the needs of our family above our individual needs. And often, we do this without a second thought because we care so deeply about the success of our team.

My Captive Free team is becoming a close second. Once I stopped being selfish and unwilling to trust in my teammates, I found that I saw all the wonderful ways that our team does and has functioned in wonderful ways since the very beginning of our time together. Once I allowed my teammates to do their jobs without questioning their experience or abilities and see all the wonderful things they brought to our team, I was able to feel that trust grow. I may still struggle some days with giving up full control but I am still a work in progress. I have learned a lot about teamwork and my roles on different teams. I’m learning how essential it is to trust in others and allow them to do the jobs they have been called to do. I’m striving to see the strengths of those around me instead of focusing on all that I wish they would do. I’m trying to keep myself accountable and learn to compromise. I’m doing my best to be a team player. And I’m quickly learning that there really is no I in team (and there is no room for me).

The World Is Your Oyster

*”The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.”*
Denis Watley

Setting goals is so critical to achieving and maintaining a successful life. Though some goals may, at times, seem unattainable, I believe that any ambition can be achieved with a set plan and drive to attain it. Sure, we all have had unrealistic goals and may even go chasing after them for a short while. I once had the dream of becoming a Broadway star belting out those high notes in Wicked’s “Defying Gravity” and one day becoming, as Mary Catherine Gallagher would say, “a SUPERSTAR!” But, in my heart I knew I never possessed enough talent or drive to make this dream a reality. However, I have set, reached, and surpassed many realistic dreams over my twenty-three years on this planet. As a nerdy student, I wanted to get the best grades possible in school. So, for many years I worked meticulously studying at night, asking for assistance from my teachers and peers when I needed it, and doing my schoolwork to the best of my ability. As a high school freshman, I wanted so badly to become a high school cheerleader, so I practiced for weeks before the first try-out attempting to have flawless Herkes and Russians and to perfect each cheer’s rhythm and hand motions. In college, I wanted to become a teacher so I spent four years at an institution mastering teaching pedagogy and preparing myself for the world of education. For each of these short-term goals, I crafted plans and constructed steps, much like the blueprints of a house, on how I would accomplish each goal. However, no strategy could have ever prepared me for the sweaty, giddy hormone-driven gossip factories that are my middle school students! But, I still love them anyway! 🙂

As discussed in my previous post, “Giving Thanks”, some people go their entire lives never finding something that they are truly passionate about. They get up each day with a chip on their shoulder, return to jobs they loath, lead lives they hate, and are never truly happy. They never set goals for themselves for fear of failure or because they are unsure as to what their purpose in life really is. They may have desires and hopes in life but never have enough drive or know how to go about making those dreams a reality. These people attend their nine-to-five jobs, do what is expected of them (never more and never less), and usually never pursue anything of great meaning to them. I could imagine leading a life without passion or purpose would be very unrewarding and unfulfilling. I never want to be a person who gets stuck in the day-to-day grind never reaching for something more. There is so much more to life than a steady paycheck and a mundane life full of fruitless routine.

I truly believe that if you want something bad enough and if you work with all of your heart and soul, never giving up, that you can make any distant dream you have an existing reality.

I am a firm believer in the notion that we create our own destiny. No one is going to make your dreams come true but Y-O-U. Too often people go about their daily lives waiting for the right time to make their dreams come true. They believe when they get that promotion at work, or when the kids are in high school, or when they have enough money that then they can start really living the lives they want to lead. These people go on to realize (as much of their life has already passed them by) that there is no perfect time when all the stars will align for them to begin following their real dreams and passions in life. The time is now. Life is too short to wait for a perfect time that will likely never come. Like Matthew McConaughey says, ‘Just Keep Livin’. If you do, I promise your life will feel so much more fulfilling.

I feel so fortunate to have found my true passions in life at such a young age. For as long as I can remember I have always had three life goals (as well as other smaller goals that I set on a more short-term level) and know that once I have these things and have accomplished my life goals that my life will be complete. One is already beginning to come true while the other three feel as far away as the Milky Way (and no, I am not talking about the chocolately-nougaty goodness wrapped inside the brown and green packaging). Though that would be a nice reward. Reach a goal, get chocolate! 😉 Dear God, please make mine peanut butter m&ms!

Life Goal 1- Become a Tenured Language Arts Teacher: Since I was seventeen years old (and maybe even earlier as I played teacher as a child during each summer vacation) I knew I wanted to become an English teacher and share my love of literature and learning with children. With the guidance of my main inspiration, my very own high school English teacher Mrs. Tutt, I embarked on the journey of becoming a teacher. I spent four years reading, researching, and studying teacher practices. I spent numerous hours in clinical placements observing and instructing in different classroom settings. I spent nine weeks in a student teaching placement taking the driver’s seat as a full-time teacher. I prepared my own lessons, taught my own classes, graded millions upon billions of assignments (or so it seems) and assimilated into the teaching world. All of this prepared me for my life as a future educator. I loved every minute of student teaching from teaching content, getting to know my students, and even to those dreaded parent phone calls. I knew within the first few weeks, that this was what I was meant to do in life. I have been blessed to be able to make my dream of becoming an educator a reality the past few years. After graduating from Minnesota State University, Mankato in the fall of 2008, I was immediately offered a teaching job at the high school in which I student taught. It was truly a dream come true. I’ve never been happier then the first day I stepped through Hopkins High School’s doors as a licensed educator. I love being a teacher and inspiring, helping, and being a part of my student’s lives. I look forward to going to work everyday, hearing “Hi, Ms. Topp” in the hallways, and teaching my students. I think all of this is so very important. Since we spend a significant amount of our adult lives working to support our needs and wants in life, I think having a job you love and look forward to going to is so essential. I couldn’t imagine going to a job I detest day-in and day-out. I feel so lucky to have found a career that gives me so much joy and fulfillment.

Though I have now found “My Place In This World”, my journey is just beginning. Being a relatively new and young teacher in this economy has already been very difficult. At the end of the last school year, I was let go from my teaching position due to budget cuts. I was devastated. I searched and searched for a new job that never came. I applied to hundreds of school and interviewed for very few positions. I began this school year as a substitute teacher. Thankfully, about two weeks into my substitute positions I was offered a job (or a series of jobs strung together to equal a full time job) back at Hopkins. It felt so good to be back at the school that I loved so much and never wanted to leave. I felt valued and appreciated as I spoke with other educators who recommended me for the positions being offered. I felt worthy. Through this experience I have expanded my first life goal. I began the 2009-2010 school year working with English Language Learners. Initially, the idea freaked me out! All of these children not only speak different languages but some of them know very little to no English… How would I ever reach or teach them? I wasn’t sure I was cut out to work with ELL students but I gave it a try. Any job is better than no job, right? Especially in my dream district! It was a lot easier than I anticipated and I now have found another passion in life. I want to return to school not only for my Master’s Degree but also to get a second licensure in ESL/ELL. I guess my goals associated with my career have and will continue to grow and change as I am exposed to more of the joys of teaching.  Now, after two years of teaching, my first life goal has become three-fold: a-become a tenured Language Arts teacher, b- obtain my ESL/ELL licensure, and c- go back to school to acquire my Master’s Degree in Education. Eventually, I want to get my Doctorate Degree, too, but that goal hasn’t come to the forefront of my mind just yet. 😉

Life Goals 2/3- Become a Wife and Mother: My second and third life goals go hand-in-hand, quite literally through marriage. When I picture my future I have always seen myself as a mother waiting in the kitchen of my cute little house with the pink picket fence waiting for little Susie and Sammy to get home from school. We’d talk about their day as I make dinner waiting for the love of my life to return home from his day at the office. We’d eat dinner together as a family, end the night watching a movie, and live the fairy tale life. Okay, so maybe my dreams are really not that Stepford Wife-ish but you get the picture. I want to be the supportive, caring wife and loving mother. I want a family. Growing up, I always enjoyed babysitting and caring for the younger children in my neighborhood. I remember summer days scraping together money from my piggy bank or the bin of change in my parent’s closet so I could ride my bike up to the convenience store a few blocks from my home to buy kool-aid, mac and cheese, and candy for my sisters and other kids who happened to be at our house that day. Being the oldest child of three girls, I always felt like a second mother to my sisters growing up. I felt responsible for their happiness and well-being. In many ways, even though they are now grown women, I still do. Maybe that is one of the reasons I became a teacher. I like the thought of someone needing or depending on me- even if it is just for a grade, help with homework, or someone to talk to about the latest GLEE or Gossip Girl episode. 🙂 I can’t wait to be married and have someone to come home to at the end of the day and start a family with. I look forward to the day when I say, “I do” in a beautiful white gown and commit myself to my husband. I know the feminists of the world may gasp at the thought of needing another person to feel fulfilled but I truly believe that through marriage a person becomes absolute. I know that one person is not able to make you fulfilled 100% of the time but through marriage you make a partnership to love and cherish one person for the rest of your life despite your or their shortcomings. What can be more fulfilling than that? Even if your hubby does leave the toilet seat up, watches sports all Sunday afternoon, and works until late evening most nights? I’d trade in singledom for a sports-watching workaholic any day of the week! 😉

I also can’t wait to start a family. I have loved being an older sister (not only to my sisters but also to their friends). There is nothing better than holding a baby in your arms as they sleep, or when a kid looks up and smiles at you, or being told that a child that admires you loves you. I can imagine that these feelings would be even better if they were your own children. I can’t wait to play Barbies with my daughter or go to my son’s sporting events and cuddle up reading a fairy tale or some superhero book at the end of the night. I have the mom gene (no, I won’t be wearing “Mom Jeans” ick!) and I look forward to holding my own miracle in my arms someday. I’m not sure I have met the man I am going to marry yet (and if I have, I certainly don’t know it’s him), but I know God will lead us to each other when the time is right. In all honesty, I think I’ve always been ready for these two life goals and long for them more than the others. I may not be ready for children this year or the next but I know once I find my future husband that these life goals will be a perfect fit just like Cinderella’s glass slipper. 😉

Life Goal 4- Change The World: I just recently realized my fourth, and final, life goal. I want to change the world. I know this seems like a grandiose idea and an utterly impossible notion but I think I can do it. I don’t mean that I am going to be the next Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi, but who knows? All I do know is that I want to leave this world a better place simply by being in it. I don’t think this world, other people, or God owe me (or anyone else for that matter) anything. It is quite the opposite actually. I know some people feel a sense of entitlement or that the world owes them something if they have gone through some sort of hardship or their lives don’t work out the way they had initially planned. But, I don’t feel that way. I’ll be perfectly honest in saying that my life hasn’t always gone according to plan, but then again, whose has? If it were up to me I’d be married with children (no, NOT Al and Peg Bundy Style), a stay at home mom or famous, and would give back to the world as much as I can. I have none of these things- no husband, no child, no celebrity… but, I still have a desire to make this world a better place. After recently facing some major life issues, some that have haunted me since childhood, I began to wonder what I could do with all that life had thrown my way. How can I turn my suffering into something beautiful and possibly healing for someone else? What do I have to offer to the world? And how can I make a difference? I know by being a teacher I am crafting minds and changing hearts but I want to do more… I think the way I want to change the world is through some sort of public speech. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been having dreams about this very thing. I would love to travel the country or world speaking to children and adults, Christians and non-believers, at schools and at churches about this very thing: YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. I want to speak to others about shifting from a victim mentality to that of a survivor. I want to talk about overcoming adversity and hardships. I want to show people that it is perfectly okay to grieve, feel sorry for yourself, to be hurt and be angry when something horrible happens in your life but that there is so much healing in getting help and forgiving people who have wronged you. I guess, I just feel I have a lot to say. I don’t pretend to think my life or hardships are any more severe or drastic than others, I just think I have a story to tell and my hope is that I can help others by sharing it. So, even though I have no idea how to go about making this fourth goal or dream happen a huge part of my heart is pulling me in the direction of speaking out about such things and changing the world one student, person, youth group, school, or arena at a time.

I’m not the only one who can change the world. You can too… The world is your oyster; don’t be a clam! You can do and achieve anything you set out to do in life, if you just believe in yourself. You have the opportunity to make any dream a reality. So, set goals, plan, and shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. We all falter but we all have the ability to get back up and succeed. So, as Ryan Shupe sings, “when you dream, dream big… as big as the ocean blue. ‘Cause when you dream it might come true. When you dream, dream big!”

Giving Thanks

*”When we are grateful for the good we already have, we attract more good into our life. On the other hand, when we are ungrateful, we tend to shut ourselves off from the good we might otherwise experience.”* Margaret Stortz

*”When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”* Willie Nelson

Cynthia Ozick once said that, “we often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” I couldn’t agree with this statement more. As humans, we often get stuck in the mindset of always wanting what we don’t have. The grass is greener on the other side. Other people’s circumstances seem more desirable than our own, when in reality were our roles reversed we would likely still wish to have things that we do not. It’s a part of human nature- to want. But there is so much in this world to be thankful for if we just take a moment to appreciate all that we have already been given. Some days I am mystified at all that I have been immensely blessed with, while other days I take for granted all that do I have. Some days it is easier to focus on all that I don’t have or all that I long for instead of taking the time to sit back and concentrate on all that I already have and all the wonderful things in my life that I should be thankful for.

We all have heard (and likely participated in the fabulous elementary school productions of) the Thanksgiving story in which the cute lil’ Pilgrims with their big belt buckles and funny shoes got together with the Indians full of face paint and feathers coming out of their headbands and had a marvelous array of mouth-watering chow during a three day feast. The Pilgrims were thankful for finally being liberated from the religious persecution they were facing in England. After sailing aimlessly in search of a better life, the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock. The Pilgrim’s first year was devastating; the conditions were harsh and many people died over the course of their first winter. However, some survived thanks to the compassionate and caring Indians who already inhabited the area. Not only did the Indians help the Pilgrims get on their feet, but they also shared their shelter, food, and clothing with them during the cruel wintry weather. In the spring, the first Pilgrim harvest was bountiful. The crops flourished and the Pilgrims began to feel hope for their future in America. The remaining Pilgrims invited the Indians, who had helped them survive the winter, to a three-day feast celebrating their survival and their thankfulness for the help and compassion that the Indians showed them. Over the next few hundred years the Thanksgiving tradition has changed and warped into the Macy’s parade, football watching, turkey-induced coma festivities that we know today. Even though there is speculation as to what exactly happened following the first Thanksgiving celebration and how it formed into the holiday we now commemorate, I think there is a lot that can be taken away from this day and the vast gratefulness shown by the Pilgrims and the selflessness the Indians bestowed upon them at Plymouth Rock.

Thanksgiving is not just a holiday that should be celebrated one day a year with more mashed potatoes or red wine than one family should legally consume and then be forgotten for the next three hundred sixty-four days. Being grateful is extremely under-rated and even more so under-utilized. Thankfulness should be something we show daily. Whether it be by saying a simple thank you to someone who opens a door for you, or giving a heart-felt hug to someone who has listened to your inner struggles, or even attempting to being gracious in all that you do because you have been blessed with things so seemingly simple as air in your lungs and love in your heart. It should be almost effortless to point out the things in our lives that we should be thankful for and rejoice for their presence in our lives but sometimes this task can be rather difficult. However, being appreciative of all that you are blessed with in life immediately increases your satisfaction in life thus making you a happier, more fulfilled person willing to offer more to others. It is so easy to take the daily things or people in our lives for granted. We rarely stop to think about what our life would be without them and therefore we are not always grateful for their presence in our lives. We simply expect them to always be there. I am constantly baffled at the thought of all that I have been blessed with without really deserving any of it. I haven’t done anything more than most people I know to deserve the joys I have in life and I certainly have done a lot less than some people who have fewer blessings. Oprah Winfrey suggests that people keep a grateful journal in order to consciously count their blessings. She recommends that every night a person should list five things that they are grateful for. She asserts that this will begin to change your perspective of your day and your life. Though I do not always agree with Oprah and all her hype, I think she hit the jackpot on this one. I believe by taking the time (even if it is only five minutes a day) to thank God for all you are blessed with that your life and outlook on it will be significantly better. You’ll begin to see the silver lining in your day instead of the gloom and doom that may be bogging you down. There will be a little more skip in your step and a little more rhythm in your song and life will be so much more joyous. 🙂

So, to jump on the Oprah Winfrey bandwagon (and this will likely be the ONLY time), here is just the beginning of my list of things that I am thankful for everyday (even though I probably don’t tell them or thank God for them enough):

1. For breath– Each day when I wake up, I realize that God has allowed me to live another day. Apart form the mechanics of a working body by providing breath in my lungs, a beating heart, and working organs- God has also offered me the gifts of love and compassion in my heart, knowledge and determination in my brain, and desire and hope in my soul. Without God, I don’t think these things and emotions would be nearly as meaningful to me as I go through my daily life. Taking the time to just exist and listen to the inhale and exhale of each breath amazes me as I think of how something so seemingly simple keeps my physical body functioning each day.

2. For a place to lay my head– I am so very lucky to have been given a place to call home. So many people go through their day not knowing where their next meal will come from or where they will go to sleep that night. I am so grateful that God has given me loving parents who have supported and provided for me in tangible ways my entire life. Sometimes I get emotional thinking about all that I do have in comparison to others and how truly blessed I am with being able to go home to “my room” and turn on “my television” and watch what I want to at the end of a long day. I can take a shower with hot, running water whenever I want, go to the refrigerator and find just about any type of food, and cuddle up to a warm fireplace on a cold winter day. I am never without the things I need to survive.

3. For my parents- I don’t know where I would be in this life without my parents. As a child, I sometimes wished I had a different set of parents (usually a friend’s who seemed more ideal and understanding when I was fighting with my own) but I am so very thankful for mine. They are loving, caring, and truly want what is best for their children. My dad has always been the breadwinner of our household and I don’t know what our family would have done without him over the years. Being the only man in a family of five, he has become a bit of a “girly-man”; from all the chick flicks to female body talk to emotional roller coasters where we beg for chocolate. He has picked up tampons from the grocery store and brought home cartons of milk and Oreos far more times than any man should ever have to. 😉 I look forward to Monday nights when my dad will come home and make fun of One Tree Hill or Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl but will still sit and watch them with me when I am sick or no one else is around and will secretly look forward to their return each Fall. I love seeing him work in the office of our home for hours on the weekends and never complain because he is so dedicated to his job and providing for our family. I cherish the time when I get to simply be in his presence and watch him do the things he loves most from fishing to leading our congregation as our church President. I am so proud of my father and the man he has become. And then there is my mother. I have never met a more loving and compassionate person than her. She has always given my sisters and I so much more than we deserve in life. She showers us with love and is our biggest support, always offering advice even though sometimes we don’t want or ask for it. She buys little gifts to cheer us up and provides all of our friends with snacks and a place to hang out or get away to any time, night or day. She is the first person who wants to hear about my day and make sure that my sisters and I are happy in life. Her happiness often stems from our happiness. Sometimes I hate this notion that my emotions can control how she feels, but that is just the way my mom is programmed. Over the years, so many of my sister’s and my friends have confided in my mom and value her opinion on things. She genuinely cares about those in her life and will do anything she can to better their lives. My mom is the backbone of our family and I don’t know where any of us would be without her selfless love and support.

4. For living in America– I often take for granted the fact that I am a free citizen. So many people in other parts of the world do not have even one ounce of the freedom that we as Americans do. I am able to express myself through writing in this blog post. I was able to attend whatever college I wanted and pursue any career that my heart was leading me towards. And I was able to change my mind and still succeed along the way. I am able practice my religion and chose whom to vote for in any election without fear of backlash or reprimand if I don’t agree with my neighbor. Anything I could possibly want or desire is at my fingertips and my every need is met almost immediately. If I’m cold all I need to do is go to the closet and grab a blanket and if I am sick there are 24-hour facilities that will take the steps necessary to speed my recovery. I don’t have to live in constant fear of terrorist attacks because there are so many men and women fighting for my freedom daily. I am so thankful for the soldiers who dedicate their lives to making me free and for being born an American citizen.

5. For having been in love- Though I am sometimes saddened and upset knowing that I was in love with someone who for the last few months of our relationship made me an option instead of a priority, I am so happy that I was able to experience it. Being so devoted and engrossed in another person is the best feeling in the world even if they one day change their mind and you are left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. I wouldn’t trade the feeling of being in love for any other feeling in the world. Being in love with all of you and giving your heart selflessly to someone who has the power to destroy it is a scary thing. But when that love is reciprocated it truly is the most gratifying feeling in the entire world. Love has made me feel more alive than anything ever has. Having loved someone with every fiber of my being and being folded like an unlucky hand of poker makes me both scared and hopeful for the future. I don’t want to hurt the way I have in the past but I don’t want to miss out on real love in the future because I am scared of the possible pain. Love makes me want to get up in the morning, makes me long for the future, and makes me realize that one day I will meet my prince charming and realize why it never worked with anyone else before. I know how full my heart was and how intense my feelings were when I was in love with the wrong person that I anticipate how miraculous it will be when I find the right person. I am thankful for having been willing to give my heart to someone in the past and not knowing how it will end up (even though right now I am not willing to try it again, just yet—I know when the perfectly imperfect man walks into my life I will be more than ready). Real love is selfless and I can’t be upset that I gave all of myself to someone that later decided I wasn’t what they wanted in the world. This just means that one day, I will find true love and that love will surpass any love I have already experienced. And that day will be a day I will be so very thankful for.

6. For my faith- I don’t know where my life would be without my faith. From the time I was born God has been a solid foundation on which I stand. I am so blessed to have two parents who planted the seed of faith in my heart at such an early age. Having gone through some of the things I have in life, I don’t think I would have survived without the true knowledge in my heart that I have a purpose in life, that God has a plan for me, and that eternal life in Heaven awaits me. There have been times where I have given up on myself and didn’t value the person I was. There have also been times where God was not even a blip on my conscious radar. But He was always firmly cemented at the center of me, often without me even realizing. During those times when I knew I was about to do something I didn’t truly want, need, or should do, I’d often get a pit in my stomach that would cause me to question my participation. I now realize that those feelings were God tugging at my heartstrings and my  conscience showing me right from wrong. On days where I didn’t want to get out of bed and face another day, it was almost as if He were standing over me as a patient father saying, “Please, my child, get up. Things will get better. I promise. You just have to keep on living.” I don’t know the person I would be or if I’d even be alive if I didn’t have faith. God believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself and He has given me the answers and clarification I need to keep pushing forward as I walk this Earth. His everlasting love and plan for me have helped me become the person I am today and will shape the person I hope to become in the future.

7. For my sisters- There is no greater gift than that of family and my sisters are no exception. All of my childhood memories include my two beautiful siblings and I could not imagine (nor would I want to) my life without them. My baby sister, Lindsey is one of the most kind and impartial people I know. She is wise beyond her years and truly listens and observes others without judgment. She is going to make a great counselor and will help many people in her future career. I love seeing her grow and change with each passing year. She is beautiful beyond her own comprehension and is the one person in the entire world that I feel completely safe sharing anything and everything with. Some of my favorite memories with her took place this past summer when we’d talk (and sometimes cry) over our lunch breaks at my mom’s work as we shared what was within our hearts. My middle sister, Stephanie, is literally my saving grace. She is the reason I am still alive today. I don’t think she will ever realize all that she means to me. Steph is a true middle child. She has always strived to be the smartest and most successful child in our family (and I truly think she is). She is so unbelievably smart and has a knack for business. She is going to be that elite businesswoman with the cute pencil skirts strutting through her office halls shooting out witty comments as she passes by. She is a smart-ass and I love her for it, even if, at times, it causes us to fight. I really missed her this summer when she was away in Europe and having her gone made me realize just how important both of my sisters are to me. I am so lucky to not only have Stephanie and Lindsey as sisters but also as best friends. I know our relationships will only flourish as we age and I can hardly wait when the three of us end up living in the same retirement community playing board games, discussing childhood memories, and watching our old favorite television shows (probably BTVS and The Office)! 🙂

8. For having a purpose in life– Some people go their entire lives never finding anything that they are truly passionate about. They get up each day with a chip on their shoulder, return to jobs they loath, lead lives they hate, and are never genuinely happy. I feel so lucky at the age of twenty-three to have already found my true passions in life. I have always had three life goals that I have worked towards attaining most of my teenage years and every day of my adult life. I know I will be perfectly content with my life when these goals are met (and of course, other goals will take their place). I just recently added a fourth life goal, one I never would have imagined wanting to pursue, and I can’t wait until it comes to fruition. More to come on this topic in a later post… Stay tuned! 🙂

9. For friendship- I have been blessed with a wide variety of friends over my lifetime. One of my favorite quotes states, “God doesn’t give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be.” I truly believe that all the friends I have made, lost, and kept over the years have helped shaped the person I am. I’ve had friends who I have loved and thought would be lifelong friends but for whatever reason are no longer in my life. I’ve been taken advantage of as a friend and I know I’ve taken advantage of friendships. I’ve been hurt, disappointed, broken, and angered in different friendships. But most of all, I’ve been uplifted by them. Every single friend I’ve had has given me a valuable gift that I will take with me throughout life. I believe the people who have come and gone in my life have paved the way for the friendships that will last a lifetime. Right now I have an amazing group of friends who are supportive, loving, and enhance my life in so many ways. It would take forever to list all of their wonderful traits, qualities, and my favorite memories with each one (and this post is already WAY too long 😉 but you know who you are). So, I’ll simply say thank you to them for their friendship. I love each and every one of you (SB, LK, KH, LD, BB, AM and all of my other wonderful friends)! You make my life complete and give me something to smile about and be gracious for each day!

10. For being unique- No two people in this world are exactly alike. Hallelujah! I am so thankful for being a unique individual instead of a carbon copy of someone who came before me. I love that my sisters, friends, parents, and I have so many different interests in the world. I value our differences and treasure our similarities. I think life would be really boring if everyone in my life enjoyed all of the same things as I do. Our uniqueness helps us connect with different people in different areas of our lives. I love how my love of writing has connected me with former high school friends (and a few people I never really knew in high school), one very special girl from college, and many people I didn’t know as well beforehand. I love how I can go see all the weird and unconventional movies with my friend Kyle and talk about them afterwards even if we don’t have the same outlooks and opinions on them. I love how I can talk to my best friend, Steph about a situation and she’ll be completely honest with me even if I would rather she lie and agree with me sometimes. And I love, how despite our differences I can see all the beauty in the uniqueness of the people around me. I have learned and will continue to learn so much about the world, others, and myself through the unique qualities that they bring to our relationships, my life, and the world.

With that, I think it is time to wrap up. I thank you all for taking the time to read this extremely long (and hopefully at least somewhat entertaining and interesting) blog post. It may be a bit cliché to focus on all the things to be grateful for in my life so close to the Thanksgiving holiday but I think it is appropriate to begin being more consciously gracious for the blessings I have in my life. I have always been a positive person who likes to search for the good in others but I want to do more of this- everyday. I want those in my life to know how much I appreciate them (their gifts, talents, and characteristics) because you never know when they may be taken from you. My hope is that in reading this post you are able to pick out the things you have to be so very thankful for. Whether you share your thankfulness with others or simply thank God for all He has blessed you with, give thanks for all you have in this world.  You only have one life to live and it should be a life full of love, happiness, and most importantly, thanksgiving.

*”Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.”* Albert Schweitzer

*”Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”* W. T. Purkiser